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Oversharing, Transparency, and Boundaries
August 20, 2008 by Jennifer Gniadecki
…or….about that post yesterday….
To me, oversharing and transparency are synonyms. If you’re being truly transparent on your blog you would have no boundaries, because transparent means clear and boundaries are, by necessity, opaque. You can overshare up to a point and then hit a boundary so maybe they’re only similar words, transparency and oversharing, because oversharing is not as powerful as transparency. With transparency, it’s all clear and there are no boundaries.
Dude, I don’t know if I could read a blog where the blogger had no boundaries.
But boundaries are tricky things. I know what my boundaries are. I know what I can talk about in public and not blush about.
Unfortunately, once you’re spewing things forth on the Intertubes it’s not about your boundaries as a writer anymore. Well it is, but not just your boundaries. It’s about the reader boundaries as well.
While my post yesterday was fine for me to write, I worried about the audience reading. Would it be too much? Would they pity me? Would they miss the point and think I was glorifying violence?
Man, there are so many what-ifs when you write a post that goes to a place other people wouldn’t want to visit and proceed to share your experiences living there.
So I’ve decided to test the boundaries of this blog and its readers. Finance Fridays have become a wild success traffic-wise, so personal stuff is good. I’m thinking of instituting Memory Jog Mondays into the mix. Because ultimately, many of you aren’t going to continue to read this blog in ten years even though it is going to still be here.
Honestly, while I am writing for you now, the long-term of this blog isn’t the current readership. I’m writing this blog for my children a little….and my grandchildren a lot…so they will know our family stories. They will "get" that gramma is more than just a pretty face and a great ass. They will know I struggled, they will see my humanity, and they - just maybe - won’t have to go through the years of hero-destruction that almost broke my heard irreparably.
Not to teach my children and my children’s children that there are no heroes. Oh no. To teach them that there are no heroes and that’s okay. The world is still an amazing place even if those crazy humans are constantly screwing things up. Even if no one is perfect and no one can give you the real answer you seek.
So they can be more confident than I am. So they can be happy when they realize they really do have the best answers, instead of the panic I feel when I realize I know more than the speaker at the front of the room or the author of the book I’m reading. Maybe that will give them the confidence and understanding that they have to grow up to make a change in this world, because mommy (or gram) wasn’t strong enough to stand up to the flack of the masses and could only lob softballs over the plate.
Maybe I won’t change the world. But they can. My job is to make them see that they are as good as it gets and it’s up to them to be at the front of the class or writing the book or giving the seminar. Not sitting in the back row wondering why they feel so alone.
So, your boundaries be damned, dearest, most cherished reader. This blog is about to get personal. From here on out, we’re going to roll with my boundaries, which are a lot different than most people’s. They’re strong, and they’re stable, but they go pretty deep. Because the only way to help heal others is to make them know they are not alone. And you, whatever you’re going through, are not alone.
Neither am I 
I’m Back - Hopefully More Interesting!
August 20, 2008 by Jennifer Gniadecki
Mobile post sent by jennydecki using Utterz. Replies. mp3
My Mother Raised Me to be a Lion
August 19, 2008 by Jennifer Gniadecki
Warning: There is some really personal stuff in this post about my relationship with my mother. It is part of who I am, and what makes me…you know..me. If you know me in person, or are a business associate, you might want to skip this one.
So my mom called this morning.
I don’t talk about my mom a whole lot, I know, and there’s a reason for that.
Until recently I kind of kept her under wraps in case something went horribly wrong. You see, I didn’t talk to my mom for about ten years. From when I was 14 until, wow, it had to be my wedding in 2003. That’s fourteen years, my bad. I round down to ten because that’s more than dramatic enough for not talking to a parent.
But, you see, my mom wasn’t doing too well during that fourteen-year period. Neither was I.
So recently when we began really talking again, it was nice having her back. Because she’s back like she was when I was 10. Not perfect by any means, but you know, a totally passing version of sane.
Being able to talk to my mom once a week has done wonders for that small part of my heart that had been broken for a long time. Sometimes I forget to appreciate that I have a mom and a mom that will talk to me and understand my life and CARE about me. Because to the rest of my family I’m “the strong one” – you know, the one that’s always fine so you don’t really have to put out and help her emotionally or in any other way because “she always comes out fine on the other end of a situation” – which doesn’t really help me for crap during a situation.
I’ll never have memories of my mom whispering her dreams for me at night before I fall asleep. I’ll never have fun memories of going to lunch and shopping for back-to-school. I won’t even have memories of shopping for a prom dress (or whatever memories y’all with non-crazy moms have.)
But what I do have is:
- The memory of my mom beating the crap out of a kid that tried to do a Very Bad Thing™ to me when we lived with their family. We ended up having to live in the car for a few months after that because, yeah, you don’t end up living where you smacked around someone else’s kid, but I was okay with that.
- When we did live in the car, I remember my mom always making sure I got fed first.
- My mom yelling at a teacher because I wasn’t allowed to go on a field trip for unclear reasons.
- The logic my mom gave me when someone stole my Strawberry Shortcake bag in fourth grade. She said, “Well we had your name on it in black marker. How is she going to get that off? Just keep your eye out and when you see her with it, take your damn bag back.” When I saw the girl the next day with my bag (my name in black marker had been crossed off with red pen, not very effective) I took it, dumped her stuff out of it onto the ground and walked away. I shook for hours after the incident, but it was the first time in my life I’d stood up for myself.
- The memory of my mom beating my stepfather with an iron skillet. There was still blood on the floor the next morning. I’ve never had a clearer indication of how much my mother loved me than those blood splatters.
- My mom saying, “If you don’t act poor, people won’t know you are. People are more likely to help you out if they think you’ve always had money but hit a rough patch. If you act poor, people think you are poor and they assume you did something to deserve it.”
- Or, my favorite saying, “You’re lucky you were born in America. With that mouth you’d get killed in other countries faster than you could sneeze.” That was how my mom taught me to love my country and understand freedom of speech! LOL
I also have her heartfelt apology for things that happened when I was young. Thankfully, I didn’t get that apology until I was old enough to understand what it meant. Now that I have toddlers, I understand what she was going through. The difference? I’m 33 with a 2 and 3 year old. My mom was 22 when I was three. When my brother and sister were 2 and 3 she was 33, but she had an 11 year old too. I can’t even imagine. The irony is that she, too, had the never-ending problem with finding babysitters.
When I think about the choices I make every day, I realize my mother taught me so much more than I thought she did when I was younger. I think every child feels that way at some point, when you have the perspective to realize what your mom’s intent was when she was parenting. I know people say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but you know what, I don’t believe it. Intentions are some of the most important things in the world, and if you don’t take them into consideration you’re left with the end justifying the means.
Mama lions are rough with their cubs. If you watch the discovery channel, you’ll see them nip and toss and push their cubs without regard to how the cubs feel at the time. That’s how they grow into lions. Sure, I don’t parent my kids the way my mom did – but my intentions are the same. I want my children to be independent, caring kids that see the truth in the world instead of the veneer everyone puts over it in order to get through the day.
My mother taught me to see the world in all its horribleness and confusion and still be taken aback by the beauty.
That is what my mother gave me. An independent spirit, the drive to be the best, the knowledge that no victory is hollow, and the understanding that people are not defined by their socio-economic status. You can be better than where you came from. So much better, in fact, that people will assume you’ve always been middle class.
You know what? She was right. I had an ex (during an argument) say to me once, “You’re just a middle class princess that doesn’t know anything. You’ve never known what it’s like to really struggle. You don’t know what real pain is.” That was the moment when I realized my mom was right, and I had become the daughter she’d always wanted.
I am not a victim.
Work at Home for HSN & Limited Time Coupon for Bag Trends
August 17, 2008 by Jennifer Gniadecki
Since I did that fantastic post last month about Calla Handbags on HSN I’ve noticed a serious spike in traffic for work at home HSN and other various searches that look a lot like that.
I do a lot of posts about working from home, because I do. I did one phenomenal post about Bag Trends because the lovely host of Bag Trends was hosting an HSN show about the Calla Handbag.
One plus one equals people finding my blog for information on HSN and working from home.
Well, I’ll keep you in suspense no longer. Go get hired with West Corp. if you want all the amazing customer service work at home jobs. They have less upselling than many other companies and if you can pass the tests they give you, you will find yourself in customer service heaven. One of my friends even had a salaried position with West in the work at home agent division for one of the companies they worked with instead of being paid per minute while she was on the phone.
I never got to that level because my customer service skills are, to say the least, lacking.
It used to be hugely hush-hush who West did business with. Perhaps it still is but HSN is listed as a case study on the work at home agent page so I’m guessing it’s not going to break anyone’s privacy policy to say West works with HSN. They also work for at least one other shopping channel. There is also a home improvement store as well as a pizza place under their belts last time I checked.
The Pros of Working With West:
- I always got paid on time and the correct amount.
- There was always something available.
- You got real coaching for your calls, not just complained to by salaried employees.
- They had meetings and listened to feedback.
The Cons of Working With West:
- It’s customer service. I HATE customer service, so I’m biased here.
- You have to have a phone with no caller id or other special features…AND you have to answer by the second ring.
- If the “good” shifts (higher paid hours) are not available you have to take a lower-paying one sometimes.
- You can be fired if you don’t have total silence in your home – I’m not saying it’s a bad rule, I think it’s necessary for West to keep a good business reputation. But it does make it a poor choice for moms with little ones.
- Sometimes good paying shifts are at two in the morning, sometimes they’re at the crack of dawn. It’s kind of unpredictable.
- New agents get crappier shifts.
So I hope this clears up some confusion as well as helps those searchers looking to work from home for HSN a place to begin. It was a horrible job for me and my skillset, but I know a lot of people that worked there very happily and made really good money. It’s not 100% reliable income, because people can swamp a day to work and you might not get what you wanted, but you know, it’s a small price to pay to have a call center job and do it from the comfort of your office, living room, kitchen, or wherever you have a quiet spot.
Special Coupon From BagTrends.com!
Love handbags? Visit BagTrends.com (one of my favorite sites) August 14th – 28th - you can use code "beyondmom" for a 10% discount on anything from Bag Trends ! From amazing designer bags to wallets to luggage tags, there is something at Bag Trends for every bagista’s budget!
